When was the last time you got really good head…? I mean really good head. It’s a fact that 9 out of 10 blow jobs are a BIG disappointment and not a lot of ladies know that. Thing is it’s often the guys fault! Ok let me put it this way; some people will never be able to dance but there are others who with some coaching and practice can get some smouchy moves on.

Football teams have coaches, boxers have trainers, apprentices have tradesmen… There are some ladies who were born to it but they are a very rare breed. For the rest of them their practice is and probably always will be a quick snuffle around your cock in the dark while you, not wanting to hurt her feelings, moan encouragement and feign ecstasy from above. The reason the ladies don’t know they’re doing it wrong is that guys don’t tell them. Guys; get a backbone not a wishbone!

I have at times actually been so amazed (and even curious) as to what a girl has been doing down there that I have called time on proceedings. Guys just won’t tell you this but snorting around down there like a pig looking for truffles, lunging robotically on it and tugging at anything you can get your hands on just doesn’t cut it… That’s a precision instrument down there ladies; we may appear to throw them about carelessly however like a skilled swordsman we’ve had it in our hand and been practicing for years!

Picture a guy with a beautiful sports car; he will look at it, savour the moment, run his fingers smoothly over it’s body feeling every contour, every curve. He will open the door and rejoice in the click of the handle and the smell of leather. He will slide into the seat, wrap his hands around the wheel and soak up every moment of it. Ladies I am talking about a car; an inanimate object, if you don’t feel that way about a guy’s cock then you have no business being there! On the other hand guys; if your lady actually does want to dance but just doesn’t have the moves then tell her what they are!

To give you a measure of the poor quality of blow jobs I am lucky enough to have had in the high hundreds of partners but I can remember only an absolute maximum of 10 who gave really good head. That is a poor ratio. I remember some years past when I had to call time on some really bad head and told a girl that she should never do that ever again.

When she quizzed me as to why I told her; because she was just so bad at it! “But my other boyfriends said I was very good at it” And there it was; right there, I could see it clear as day. Her truffeling around in some guys boxers then popping up and asking with big puppy dog eyes “was it good baby?” and him the spineless wonder lavishing all sorts of praise on her in an emperors new clothes stylee. It wasn’t her fault she gave me a really bad blow job; it was his!

Now this revelation did bring the expected reaction of “I can’t believe you said that to me; I will never ever suck your cock again!” as she moved to the other side of the bed. However less than 20 seconds later she turned her head around and asked “so… am… what am I doing wrong?” Now with some practice and some coaching that girl could by the time we parted hold her own, she was never going to win cum dancing but top marks for effort. Can’t help thinking that her present beau owes me a beer for that one.

As a good friend of mine often says ‘You don’t get to be an expert in food if you eat in the same restaurant every night.’

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